I Mean...

So here I am, sitting here for the clock to turn another hour older and marinating on exactly what is going on in my mind right now. I just graduated from high school two days ago and therefore have flipped to a new chapter in my life. Basically that's awesome but what has happened in the past two or so days is not awesome. It made me realize that getting out of high school was in fact just what I needed. It was constricting me greatly and keeping me from growing as a person. Granted I learned a lot in high school but you can only go through the same routines for so long before there is a definite point of no return.

There's another thing on my mind, and in my heart that's been bothering me. Disappointment. I have about 5 people in my life that I feel the need to sit down and give the "snap the hell out of it" talk to because they have their priorities COMPLETELY out of order. I might write a few of them a letter instead of talking to them face to face simply because a letter is a good way to converse your complete thoughts without any miscommunications. Anyways, disappointment. It's mainly in my friends but there's no doubt disappointment within myself and my relationship with my parents. I never feel adequate enough for any of my friends or family. I feel as if I could (and basically have) give them all the time in the world and they would still think that I am indefinitely doing something wrong or not up to par.

I actually talked about this with my brother last night, though he doesn't usually give clear advice he said something that really spoke to me. Basically I said that if this little "feud" continues between my mother and me that I might just not walk the stage for graduation in June with everyone else because I feel as if it doesn't matter to her. He then said "NO, walk the stage for YOU, forget everyone else in the crowd and don't even pay them any attention, WALK THE STAGE FOR YOURSELF and only yourself". If I could keep this mentality on most other things in life, I'd be much better off.

I will walk the stage come June, not only for myself but in glory of God for getting me there. I shall stop trying to please people all of the time and start working for only God and myself. AND THAT'S THAT. I'm no longer just some people pleaser because all I ever do is get walked on.